Onze

In which a lover from the previous piece is seen with a new lover.

Louis made friends a lot faster than Austin. Right after the first meeting, it seemed, Austin's Facebook feed popped up with about a dozen notifications saying "Louis Barr is now friends with Emile Hammerlich," and "Louis Barr is now friends with Pride 2010" and so on. Austin opened up the first page he saw, Duane Sekada's page. Duane's picture showed his great dinner plate of a bald head grinning next to a pair of what could have been Buddhas if not so skinny, they were smiling so fully. The picture took place at a bar. There on the top of Duane's Wall was a status update that read, "FUCK it looks like im going to be doing half the work again Can no one pull their own weight?" Austin's mouse had been hovering over the add friend button. But he pulled it away.


He thought about the meeting. Austin hadn't said very much. He raised his hand twice to head a committee (Design Committee, Volunteer Committee) but didn't get chosen. Austin had started to object to the proposal to use part of the budget to cover flight expenses for the keynote speaker, whoever it might be, mostly because no one knew who it might be - but no one else was objecting, so he stopped. So Austin didn't add Duane as a friend.
Louis was impressed when Austin didn't add to the cacaphony after Tosca in his usual bitchy manner had objected to the inclusion of the Pink Lady Brigade. Everyone knew Tosca hated almost everyone else so everyone jumped on top of him right away, supporters and defenders, and Elliot with his socialist interpretation, but Louis noticed Austin didn't even bother whereas even the other new people had. Louis was impressed. He had been getting tired of this year after year.
Usually the quiet new people left, and only the shrill remained. Like a game of dodgeball, with only the meanest bulliest on the playground surviving. Louis sent Austin his friend request from his iPhone before the meeting even had ended, and then, to make sure Austin wouldn't turn into another victim of Duane and Tosca's excesses, approached Austin on his way out the door.
"Sign in," said Louis, handing him the phone with the Facebook login page up already. Austin looked at the phone like he was being handed a grenade. Or so it looked to Louis. From Austin's perspective, it was more like he was being handed a chocolate cake. His eyes burst open and his eyebrows scrunched together and he stammered a couple "uhs" before accepting the phone. He signed in, saw the friend request, and accepted it, then handed it back.
Louis looked at him. When he had handed the phone to Austin, he had turned on his most flirtatious eyelash-y look - anything that might help anchor the sweetheart new guy - but Austin had just looked at the phone. Louis interpreted this as Austin being uninterested in Louis. So Louis said, "Everyone else will be able to find you on Facebook this way. We all like to keep in touch every way possible. Duane's big on new marketing etcetera." This way Austin would not think someone he was not attracted to was hitting on him, which would be more likely to drive the new guy away. Louis wanted Austin there if at all possible - he'd be like an ice cream cone in the middle of the hot, sweltering, neverending day that was planning the Pride Parade with the usual suspects.
In fact, Louis was thinking that he might just quit the whole organization for good this time if they couldn't manage to keep sweet Austin around.
Austin couldn't believe his luck. Louis was the most beautiful man he'd seen since he'd moved to the city. Well, his boss's boss was practically a walking Calvin Klein ad, but he was so unattainable (and obviously straight) that Austin barely even acknowledged him. But here was acknowledgement. Louis was saying to Austin something about this being group policy, so Austin knew that he shouldn't take this as being hit on. He didn't want to smile at Louis lest Louis think Austin was some flirtatious interloper. Austin was definitely serious about helping out. So Austin dutifully pressed the yes button and turned away businesslike and walked off to his bus. Louis crossed his fingers.
Austin's brain had received the image. It was like having a piece of tape stuck to your neck that you don't notice until much later. Finally Austin's brain realized there was something out of the ordinary. It unstuck the information: an image from the corner of Austin's left eye of Louis flirting with the eyelashes. This was cause for hope. The piece of tape had a little paper heart stuck to it. The rest of Austin's bus ride was quite pleasurable.
So Austin got home and checked Facebook. There was Louis, friends with everybody all of a sudden. Austin deflated. He looked around the Facebook friends, checked Duane's page. Duane's angry message said to Austin, "This smiling, popular face is not for you. You must be this popular to ride."
Austin didn't go back to the parade planning.
***
They met again at an office party. It was all coincidence; the world does that sometimes, that's how stuff like Frisbees and gravity are discovered. In this case it was an ice cream social. Austin had a bottle of that chocolate stuff that hardens into a shell when you pour it out. He was struggling with getting his scoop of rocky road to properly shell. He was just making globs and ribbons. Then a hand reached from around his side, holding a bowl of popsicle sticks. Austin looked over. It was Louis.
Louis looked shocked. Then he looked a little ill. Then he looked pleased.
Austin looked shocked. Then he looked confused. Then he made no expression because he didn't want to give the wrong thing away.
"Hi, uh, Austin!" said Louis. Although Louis had left the parade committee, he still had Austin as a Facebook friend, and Austin came up now and then.
"Hey, uh, Louis, right?" said Austin, trying to act like he didn't look at Louis' pictures whenever they were posted. They were good fantasy material. "The Pride Parade, right?"
"Right," said Louis. "For that whole day!" Louis laughed.
Austin thought Louis might be mad. He shrugged and took a slice of banana and put it on top of his chocolatey popsicle.
"I left too," said Louis. "Don't worry." Louis had gotten nothing but flak from the community for his abandonment. Some of it was good flak, if that was possible - other disgruntled folks applauding him - but all of it was pretty battering. He felt like a message board stuck with tons of staples. He was happy to talk to someone who might feel the same. And besides, he had offered the popsicle sticks before recognizing Austin because he'd noted Austin had a cute ass. So now part of him was recalibrating to possibly consider this Austin fellow as a bearer of a cute ass, an entirely different paradigm.
Now Louis was batting his eyelashes involuntarily.
Austin put a slice of pineapple on top of the banana. Louis was still standing next to him and apparently waiting for a response. Austin tried to think of something to say, but couldn't. So he used what was in his hand, a maracino cherry. He turned and offered it to Louis. Automatically, Louis took it, ate the cherry off, and stuck the stem in his mouth. He started working it around. Then he gagged and grabbed a napkin and spat it out.
"You OK?" said Austin, who felt responsible.
"Yeah," said Louis, hoping to use his embarassment as an opening. "I thought it might be sexy if I tied it in a knot, but alas I'm no Audrey Horne."
"Who?"
"Oh my!" said Louis. "We must educate you. You see, the straights sometimes produce fantastic televisual works of art worth seeing. No Degrassi, of course, but what can be." Louis assumed something in there would garner a response from Austin.
Austin didn't say anything.
Louis asked how many toppings were going on his ice cream.
"All of them," said Austin.
"Daring," said Louis, trying to tone it down, because clearly the over-the-top friendly approach wasn't working.
Austin suddenly realized he was being flirted with. He went into panic mode. The first time Austin had ever been flirted with, he had had a choice. It was in high school. Dave Tyrone was a star running back. Dave had made what most individuals would recognize as a definite pass. Dave's hand was on Austin's thigh in the locker room. But Austin had to choose whether or not he believed Dave. This could easily be a cruel trick. If he responded affirmatively, he could be beat up, or pulled red-faced out of the closet for good. But there was Dave, looking goofy in a cheerleader outfit (it was just before the powder puff game), but also damn sexy. Risk, reward. Austin went with the safe route. Dave said, "Fine whatever" and went out to wave his poms around while the cheerleaders beat eachother up on the field. Austin never knew whether Dave was serious. But since then, he had been locked into a pattern of assuming the worst. It was safer.
There was this one time when Austin had blurted out, "you're not attractive to me," to a guy in his dorm at college, when the guy had been pretending to give him a lap dance. In retrospect, Austin didn't even know if he was being flirted with, but something had made him err on the side of flirtation this time. Maybe it was because the guy was horribly fat and ugly that made it okay with Austin. But every other time he acted like there was no flirtation happening until the moment when it was undeniable, usually when they were locked in a kiss, which did happen, praise be the forwardness of certain gay men.
Louis was not one of those men. Beneath his friendly exterior he was actually a friendly guy. He hated being pushy or being pushed - like by Tosca and Duane and all the others. It was his policy never to force himself on someone. He was pretty enough to get away with it, and anyways he flirted well enough that he rarely had to invoke his own non-intervention policy.
Louis offered a cherry stem.
"Can you tie it?"
As a matter of fact, Austin could. He was very dextrous. But this is what Austin saw:
Austin had offered Louis a cherry.
Louis had tried to tie the stem.
Louis had choked.
Louis had offered a cherry stem to Austin.
The math seemed obvious. It was sarcastic retribution. It would be horribly rude to take the cherry stem from the man who had choked on one and show him up by making it into a little loop. So Austin said "God no, I'd probably die."
Louis figured he had pushed far enough.
Austin took a bite of his popsicle. At that moment, there was a brief expression on Louis' face. It was kind of sad. Louis liked people. Even when he hated someone for being pushy or bitchy, he still wanted them to think he liked them, and to be liked by them. He was kind of like a housecat in that way. It pissed him off a little, and made him sad a lot, that this Austin fellow, who seemed so sweet and had this cute ice cream eccentricity, seemed completely turned off by Louis' attempts at both friendliness and flirtation. So for a moment, like a brief shadow on the water, his face was horribly sad.
Austin saw this. His brain caught that piece of tape right away. His heart thumped. He had saddened this beautiful man. How? By refusing to tie the cherry stem? Was Louis that much of a fetishist for cherry stems? No. Austin realized somehow that maybe trying not to offend Louis - like trying to bow completely to the floor when presented to a queen - had actually insulted him in the end. He'd gone too far and stuck his ass up in the air.
But while Austin was realizing this, someone called to Louis from the other room, and Louis smiled balefully at Austin and walked off. Austin's mouth was full of ice cream and pineapple. Nothing came out.
***
With Louis gone from his sight, Austin's brain was able to get cowardly again. Austin finished his ice cream and dismissed the episode as a brush with beauty. Then he went home, called his ex, and slept with him to make himself feel better. They did that sometimes, when either one was feeling lonely. It didn't really help.
***
The near-encounter could have happened this way:
Austin offered a slice of pineapple instead of a cherry at the beginning of the conversation. Louis had held it up to make a monocle over his eye. Austin had laughed. Louis, having achieved something warm from Austin, had persisted later on, when Austin had turned cold at the mention of Pride Parade, correctly assuming that Austin was shy, and being just friendly enough to keep trying. When Louis had managed to get another laugh from Austin by telling him that they were (they weren't really) getting Lady Gaga to be their keynote speaker, the deal had been sealed. Austin and Louis had sex in the breakroom.
***
Instead, the cherry had happened. It was just a little fruit, but then again, it had just been a little flirtation. These things happen, or rather, they don't happen, all the time. Louis' wife (they had an understanding) had called him into the other room, a moment before Austin might have applied his personal revelation and won his way back into the conversation. The tenuous, gossamer relationship had simply dissolved. Louis' wife - she was the one who worked there with Austin, which was the coincidence that had brought Louis there in the first place - introduced Louis to the Calvin Klein man, who, it did turn out, was gay. She then (they really, really had an understanding) ushered Louis and Mr. Klein to a breakroom, where they had sex. It was lovely, though pretty brief. Louis and Klein saw each other a few more times and then fell out of touch, excepting that they remained friends on Facebook.